Reflections on changing times and family values

Times have indeed changed but family values have not necessarily changed. They certainly haven't in our family. Part of what I felt was my job as a parent was to pass the torch of family value on to my children. I think we have succeeded quite well.

What exactly are family values? In our family, it means that you respect the other members of the family. Children especially are taught to respect the adult members of the family. While they may refer to their aunts and uncles by the first name it is always preceded by the title aunt or uncle. We are Grandma and Grandpa pure and simple.

Our house is always open to our grandchildren and children but they knock before entering. No one is allowed to help themselves to anything in our home without asking first. Sometimes when I am feeling particularly lazy I wish it wasn't so but my grand kids always ask for what they would like and I go and get it for them. Learning to respect others property is a value that many children today haven't seemed to have learned.

We taught our children that honesty is always the best policy and we expected nothing less than 100 percent from them. Nothing would make us angrier than dishonesty. It is something that my children accept as the way things should be and have passed this on to their children.

I was delighted today when Jack told me that his teacher said to him that she knew he was telling the truth because Salvas boys don't lie, that is a 6-year-old telling me his values plain and simple. 

We also taught them to treat others as they would like to be treated. This means many things. It means you always tell anyone if they undercharge you at the store and also when they overcharge you. I am always amazed when the clerks look at me or my daughter or sons like we had two heads when we say you didn't charge me enough. They really don't know how to handle this.

We still hold the door open for older people, we are polite in the store and don't cut people off in the aisles. We recognize the right of others to be in the same space as we are.

We also taught our children to give back to the community. To volunteer and to help out. God has been very good to us and we, in turn, should share that with others.

I realize that today's family has changed in many ways. There are blended families and single-parent families but values don't need to change, as a matter of fact, it seems to me that they are even more important under trying circumstances.

Our family has maintained a very close relationship. My grandchildren are close to each other and we do many family things together. Family is the link that holds the entire fabric of our society together and I can't emphasize enough how important I think it is to pass values on to the generations to come.

Is our family perfect? Far from it. Like every family, there has been a divorce, teen rebellions, children born out a wedlock and financial woes but through it all, our values have remained steadfast.

Back to school shopping: Teens

It is the time of year when the kids are headed back-to-school. That means lots of expenses for parents around the globe. Many items are things that you cannot avoid purchasing but if you are willing to put in a little extra effort, you can really snag some great bargains. You can use back to school shopping tips to help save you money and stress. Back to school shopping for teens is a challenge no matter what!

Be sure to start looking early in the store flyers and if you do not get the newspaper, you can find them online. Always try to take advantage of any tax-free days your state may offer.

Teens are the most difficult to purchase clothes for and also the most difficult to save money on. They have very specific ideas about what stores sell cool clothes and it is near to impossible to get them into a discount outlet. It may be time to have a serious discussion with your teens about finances and to let them know exactly the amount they have to spend for their new fall wardrobe.

If they have a part-time job, then you may want to have them spend some of their money on the more expensive items. This is a great financial lesson for them. Here are some tips for implementing teen shopping restrictions.  

Get out to the mall with your teen and visit all the stores where they usually like to shop. Take note of all the latest fashion trends. You don't necessarily want to shop at the mall unless there are some sales on specific items going on.

The next stops include discount stores such as K-Mart, Walmart, and Target. You may have to go to one in a different town if your teen is a real stickler for name brands only. With the latest trends in mind, compare the prices with the mall stores. Use your smartphone to take pictures so that you can compare styles and prices.

Try to duplicate the looks from the upscale retailers at the discounts stores. It will be a lot easier than teens may expect. They will also be quite amazed at how much their budget will get them. Making them a part of the whole experience allows them to make budget-conscious choices.

Look for a resale store that stocks only brand-name clothes. They do exist and you may be able to pick up a few pieces that are still stylish and have the desired name on them. Jeans are especially easy and inexpensive to find this way.  With vintage style being trendy, teens won't feel as if they are compromising on style to save money.

Remove the tags from non-branded items. It is a lot easier for teens to get used to the clothes from a discount store if they aren’t looking at the tag all the time.

Other big expenses are associated with school beyond just the clothes. A backpack is important. This is one area that you want to be sure is both stylish and ergonomic. Teens especially are notorious for overloading their backpack and if it is not one that is easy on their back, they can end up with serious back and shoulder issues. Head to the outlets to look for your teen's backpack and while you are there, you might want to check out the outlets for such additions as socks and underwear.

Going back-to-school when you have a teen or teens, can be very expensive. It is up to you as their parent to make them aware of the expense and show them how to get the most for their money. Using these simple back to school shopping tips can help you survive this time of year and also keep your teen happy. 

What children need from their parents

What children need from their parents is parenting, not friendship. Raising your children is the most important job you will ever have. Yes, it is a job and a very difficult one. As parents, you will give and give and then give some more. You will get exhausted and often be unappreciated.

There are rewards for parenting but they are few and sometimes far between. Your job as a parent is to meet the needs of your children and these come in many forms. Most of all, however, you will love them, no matter what.

Infants

When you first bring home your child, they will be dependent on your for everything. You will provide them with food, water, warmth and security. These basic things sustain life. You will also give them the feeling of human touch, which is one of the most important things that you can give to your child. Studies have shown that children who are not held and touched do not develop as well as children who are nurtured and cuddled. To help your child to thrive, you need to give them more than just the basics.

Toddlers

As your child grows, you will be giving them structure and empathy. They will learn from your example how to interact with other humans, animals, and with nature. What children need at this next stage is a good example to follow. Honesty, courtesy, a work ethic and respect are all things that your child will need to learn from you.

Children want and need to know their limits, toddlers will test their parents to learn how far they can go. Parents need to set the limits and teach their child that there are consequences, this is a very important part of parenting.

School Aged

When your child goes off to school, having your example will be even more important. They need you to be the rock that is always there. Many other people will influence them at this point and you need to be there to teach them what is really important.

They need to get their self-worth from you. It is you, who can tell them and show them that they are valuable, individual and outstanding creations and that they are not in competition with anyone else. That they don't always have to be number one because they are always number one with you.

Teens

As your children grow into teens if you have given them what they need up to this point, they will be better equipped to handle all the pressures that will be put on them. Don't worry too much at this point if they don't seem to need you and don't be tricked into thinking what they need is a friend. They have friends; you need to be their parent.

You need to have your experience handy to help them and you need to let them know that you will always be there for them even if they do something of which you do not approve. Unless it is illegal, don't sweat the small stuff.

Adults

Even when they have grown up and moved away your children will need to know that they have someone who loves them unconditionally and who they can turn to when the going gets tough. These days that happens more and more.

What your children need from you ultimately is to be the best parent that you can be and to love them unconditionally even when there are times you may not like them.

Cost saving tips for vacation home buyers

Owning a vacation home can be a dream come true or it can be a nightmare. If you are considering purchasing a vacation home there are several things you need to consider and your budget is foremost among them. Here are some cost-saving tips for vacation home buyers.

No one wants to find themselves overpaying for anything and a vacation home is no exception. Before you become too emotionally attached to any particular home, you need to check all the comps in the area and be sure that you are not overpaying. Finding a home that seems absolutely perfect can make you forget that there is a budget to consider.

Using a real estate agent gives you the added advantage of understanding what houses in the neighborhood have been selling for. This allows you to make a good offer that can help you get the home you love while saving as much money as possible.

One way to save money on a rental home is to purchase it with another couple or family. This can create problems but if this is someone you know well or have vacationed with before it can be a way to afford a vacation home that might be beyond your means otherwise. Wepurchased our lake cottage with our daughter and her husband and it has worked out beautifully.

Once you have found a house that you think is perfect for your family, you need to spend the money to have a home inspection. While this may seem like an extra expense it is one of the most cost effective things that you can do. Without this inspection, you may find out after you own your dream vacation home that you need a new roof, have faulty electric or need a new septic system. The inspection should bring to light most problems that exist and these can then be negotiated with the seller.

There are other things that you need to consider when you are looking for your vacation home. Are you looking for a place that is year round? Will you need to pay for heating during the winter months? What are the water and sewer charges in the town where your home is located?  Also, a wise man once told me, waterfront property will never go down in value, there is only so much of it in the world. 

Are there services in the home that can be disconnected during the offseason? You may want to have cable and the Internet while you are using your new vacation home but if it is a summer home, you do not want the expense during the months that you will not be visiting.

Is the vacation home rentable and will you want to be renting it when you are not using it? 

This is a very good way to help afford your dream vacation home. If you decide that you want to rent the vacation home, you need to talk to your home insurance company. The liability insurance required for a rental property is different than insurance needed if only you will be using the vacation home.

There are many benefits to renting out the home including tax benefits. Repairs and depreciation can play into the figures as well. If you rent out your vacation home when you are not using it, it may be enough to pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance and other expenses involved in owning a home.

On the downside, it means not leaving your personal things out and available. And, of course, there is always the potential for damage to the home.

Owning a vacation home is a very good investment if you buy in an area where home prices remain stable and other people want to visit. But maybe you just want a place to get away and relax and have no intention of ever renting.

You must be sure that you can handle the costs without rental income. Then your vacation home will prove to be the home of your dreams and not a nightmare that leaves you financially drained and emotionally exhausted